STEVER ATTEMPTS TO MAKE PROTEINOUS ICECREAM

MAKES A STARTLINGLY SIMILAR LOOKING YET ROCKHARD DESSERT

HOUSEMATE ATTEMPTS TO MAKE DESSERT

GUESS IT’S A GOOD THING CHEESE IS A DESSERT

TO PARAPHRASE SNOOP, TODAY’S A LIGHT EATING DAY AS I’M ONLY ‘“ROLLIN WITH MY HOMIE LIL’ HALF-DEAD”

AS IN, ONLY HALF A DOZEN-EGGS-A-DAY (#1 PRIMO BESTDIETEVER)

SO RECENTLY MY MAN RINGHAM RECOUNTED A SAD TALE OF WAKING UP TO AN UNANTICIPATED DENT IN HIS PAYPAL AFTER EBAYING A JACKET WHILST UNDER THE INFLUENCE. SAID JACKET SOON ARRIVED FROM THE AMERICAS, AND WHEN WE INSPECTED IT DISCOVERED IT CAME COMPLETE WITH A COMPLIMENTARY HALF CONSUMED PACKET OF FREEDENT CONCEALED IN A POCKET, THE SAME WAY THAT IF YOU BUY GONG’S YOU THAT HASN’T BEEN TOUCHED SINCE TIE DYE HAS BEEN BOTH IN AND OUT OF FASHION THRICE, YOU MIGHT JUST FIND A DANK NUG LURKING IN THE SLEEVE

ANYWAY, TERRIBLE FUCKING CHEWING GUM

WHAT’S MORE PDC-ESQUE - PREPARING A SOLID POUND OF FRIED SAUSAGE FOR A SALAD

OR DECIDING THAT PEANUT OIL DOES NOT IMPART THE MOST NEUTRAL FLAVOUR BALANCE AND EATING THE WHOLE PILE YOURSELF?

I KINDA FEEL THAT HIGH TEA IS THE HIGH SOCIETY EQUIVALENT OF THE BUFFET

SO NOT ONLY DO I FEEL RIGHT AT HOME, BUT I CAN ALSO APPRECIATE IT WHEN THE CATERERS MAKE SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE FAUX PAS LIKE SQUIRTING SHIT PASTRY FULLOF PATE AND CALLING IT A SAVOURY ECLAIR

PRETTY SURE THIS IS THE SHIT

THAT BLACKSTREET WERE SINGING ABOUT

BACK ON AUSTRALIAN SOIL, KEN OATH, BACK TO BUSINESS, WATCH THE FOOTY, SINK SOME SAUSAGE ROLLS, HOW CAN I MAKE THIS MORE STRAYAN?

A VERITABLE SALTPAN’S WORTH OF VEGEMITE SEASONING

AS A FITTING END TO THE SOUTHEASTASIAN PDC TOUR, I FINALLY GOT MY BANANA PANCAKE

I SAY FITTING IN THAT DESPITE ALL APPEARANCES AND ROMANTICISED PRECONCEPTIONS, IT WAS FUCKEN SHITHOUSE

WHEN I SAY I CAN PUT AWAY A BOAT LOAD OF FOOD

BEST BELIEVE I MEAN AN ACTUAL BOAT OF FOOD, AFTER TWO ENTREES AND A RICE BURRITO BABY THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING THIGH ON THE SIDE. OH, AND MARGARITAS